ON THE DUTY OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES IN MARRIAGE

My beloved brothers and sisters in Christ our Only True Lord, God, and Savior,

CHRIST IS IN OUR MIDST! HE WAS, IS, AND EVER SHALL BE.

ON THE DUTY OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES IN MARRIAGE
By Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk

First, the husband as well as the wife must both come to marriage by voluntary consent and agreement, which is also why the priest asks both persons at the crowning, "Hast thou, (Name), a good, free, and unconstrained will, and a firm intention to take to thyself (Name), whom thou seest here before thee?"

For this reason a marriage decidedly must not take place without the consent of both parties. And priests that see a lack of consent in either party and yet crown them sin gravely and are subject to canonical punishment; for from this proceeds every evil in marriage.

2. Second, those that correctly enter into marriage ought to preserve love and faithfulness to the end of their life.

3. Third, the husband must not abandon his wife nor the wife her husband until death, but according to their vow and consent they must remain inseparable to the end.

4. Fourth, the husband and wife must lay virtue, and not passion, as the foundation of their love, that is, when the husband sees any fault in his wife, he must nudge her meekly, and the wife must submit to her husband in this. Likewise when a wife sees some fault in her husband, she must exhort him, and he is obliged to hear her. In this manner their love will be faithful and unbroken, and thereby having mutually composed their happiness, they shall take pleasure in the virtue. There is a custom that some men leave their wives and some wives leave their husbands under the pretense of abstinence, but this is a very dangerous matter, for instead of continence there may follow the grave sin of adultery in one or the other or in both parties. When the husband leaves his wife and the wife sins with another, then the husband is responsible for this sin, as he gave his wife occasion for sin. Likewise, when a wife leaves her husband and the husband sins with another, then the wife is guilty of that sin, for the same reason.

5. Fifth, the Holy Apostle Paul says to those who are married, "The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does" [1 Corinthians 7:4].

6. Sixth, those living as spouses, and above all, priests and deacons, should remember that they are Christians, that they confess the Holy Name of God, that they call upon and pray to God, that they partake of the Holy Mysteries of Christ, and so on. And therefore the Holy Apostle tells them that they must not live in their marriage as the heathens do, "that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control" [1 Corinthians 7:5].

7, Seventh, a man must not treat his wife as a slave, but as a helpmate; but the wife ought to submit to her husband. As the Holy Apostle teaches, "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord" [Ephesians 5:22]. And a little further, "And let the wife see that she respects her husband" [Ephesians 5:33], and in another place, "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord" [Colossians 3:18]. When the husband and the wife are of the same character and of good morals then the marriage will be happy and excellent, for there will always be unanimity, agreement, and peace among them, in which consists great happiness. "Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!" [ Psalm 132:1[133:1], says the Prophet. But because Satan, the enemy of human souls, attempts to break the union of love and agreement, then the husband and wife must condescend to any infirmity that the other may have and suffer each other with love, and thus concord and peace will be preserved.

8. Eight, when either the husband is of good character and the wife is of bad character, or the wife is of good character, and the husband is of bad character, then perpetual suffering and a cross will ensure for the party of good character. Then in that case he must apply patience, and endure and overcome whatever evil may occur with patience.
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ON ADULTERY

The Lord God said:

"THOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY"
Exodus 20:14.

The Commandment of the Lord God exhorts husband and wife to be faithful to each other. From the very beginning, the Almighty God set the law that a man and a woman should be for one another only. "Be fruitful and multiply. Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they (two) shall be one flesh (Genesis 2:24), we read in the Book of Genesis, With regard to the duty of spouses to preserve MUTUAL FAITHFULNESS, THE LORD SAID: "So then, they are no longer two but ONE FLESH. Therefore what God has joined together, LET NOT MAN SEPARATE" [Matthew 18:6].

It is the practice currently in different places, but specifically in Europe, to promote and encourage what is referred to as an "open marriage" which is no less than a consensual adultery. It is agreed by the couple that they could have an extramarital union with others as long as they are both discreet. This of course violates the Commandment: "Thou shalt NOT commit adultery. Saint John Chrysostom states, the adulterer’s conscience cries out and tears him daily. If he brings to mind God’s judgment, he is unable to stand from fear. And the pleasure from the sin committed is brief, but the agony is protracted."

The yearning of a husband and wife for one another was planted in human nature by the Creator God before the Fall. The harmony of Adam and Eve with God and with each other was a great virtue. Adam considered Eve a part of himself when he said, "This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man" [Genesis 2:23). It is understood that this in this joining, he will be devoted to her with sacrificial love and devotion, and she to him.

The Holy Apostle Paul writes: "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" [Hebrews 3:4). The Holy Scripture reveals how grave of a sin is adultery and how God punishes those that participate in it: "Do you know that the unrighteous will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither FORNICATORS, NOR IDOLATERS, NOR ADULTERERS, NOR HOMOSEXUALS NOR SODOMITES, NOR THIEVES, NOR COVETOUS, NOR DRUNKARDS, NOR REVILERS, NOR EXTORTIONERS WILL INHERIT THE KINGDOM OF GOD" [1 Corinthians 6:9-10). Also, in his letter to the Galatians, Sant Paul writes, "Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: ADULTERY, FORNICATION, UNCLEANNESS, LEWDNESS…THOSE WHO PRACTICE SUCH THINGS WILL NOT INHERIT THE KINGDOM OF GOD" [Galatians 5:19-21[.

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"Glory Be To GOD
For
All Things!"
– Saint John Chrysostomos
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With sincere agape in His Divine and Glorious Diakonia (Ministry),
The sinner and unworthy servant of God
+ Father George